One sock sat beside my shoe, but the other… where was it? My search led me to the dog\u2019s mat.<\/p>\n
The little creature had apparently decided my sock was a prized possession.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on,\u201d I whispered, reaching for it.<\/p>\n
The dog grabbed it and backed away.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got to be kidding me.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was when the girl in the bed stirred.<\/p>\n
\u201cBuddy,\u201d she mumbled sleepily. \u201cStop bothering him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze.<\/p>\n
She opened her eyes, saw me standing there with one sock in my hand, and smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s usually how this works.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me for a moment, then glanced at the clock.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, Henry, you could stay for breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
Breakfast wasn’t part of the arrangement.<\/p>\n
Neither was conversation.<\/p>\n
Neither was attachment.<\/p>\n
I had spent years perfecting the art of leaving before anything became complicated.<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks, but I should go.\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn’t argue. She simply shrugged and went back to sleep.<\/p>\n
I collected my things, finally rescued my sock from Buddy, and slipped out.<\/p>\n
By noon, I’d almost forgotten the entire night.<\/p>\n
Almost.<\/p>\n
Three days later, my sister called.<\/p>\n
\u201cHenry, I need a favor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Those six words were enough to make me nervous.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of favor?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you watch Lily Saturday?\u201d<\/p>\n
I hesitated.<\/p>\n
Lily was my nine-year-old niece, and I loved her. But loving a child from a comfortable distance was very different from spending an entire day responsible for one.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSomething came up at work. Please. Just one day.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Saturday morning, Lily arrived carrying a pink backpack, a stuffed rabbit, and enough energy to power the entire neighborhood.<\/p>\n
She walked into my apartment, looked around, and frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cUncle Henry, you don’t have any pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPictures of what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don’t need pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I’m terrible at decorating.\u201d<\/p>\n
She stared at me suspiciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’re lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nearly choked on my coffee.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m not lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou live alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo do lots of people.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don’t have a wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLots of people don’t have wives.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don’t have kids.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLily.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don’t even have a plant.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked around.<\/p>\n
She was right.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlants are difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n
She crossed her arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. You’re difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn’t help laughing.<\/p>\n
That was the first time I’d laughed like that in years.<\/p>\n
We spent the morning doing ordinary things. We went to the park. She insisted on buying ice cream even though it was cold outside. She dragged me into a bookstore and made me read the first chapter of three different children’s novels.<\/p>\n
Then she spotted a small dog being walked near the fountain.<\/p>\n
Her face lit up.<\/p>\n
\u201cUncle Henry, look!\u201d<\/p>\n
The dog was small and fluffy.<\/p>\n
For some reason, it immediately reminded me of Buddy.<\/p>\n
Lily crouched down and waved.<\/p>\n
The dog came closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou like dogs?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe someday you can have one.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe someday you can have one too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don’t need one.\u201d<\/p>\n
She tilted her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou say that about everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn’t know what to say.<\/p>\n
On the way home, Lily became unusually quiet.<\/p>\n
Finally, she asked, \u201cUncle Henry, why don’t you have a family?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared through the windshield.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I like being alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s not the real reason.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’re nine. What would you know about the real reason?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shrugged.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy teacher says sometimes people say they like being alone because they’re scared someone will leave them.\u201d<\/p>\n
My hands tightened slightly around the steering wheel.<\/p>\n
I hadn’t told her anything about my childhood.<\/p>\n
I hadn’t told anyone.<\/p>\n
When I was eleven, my father left.<\/p>\n
Not dramatically.<\/p>\n
Not with shouting.<\/p>\n
He simply packed a suitcase one morning and never came back.<\/p>\n
My mother spent years pretending she was fine.<\/p>\n
I watched her wait for phone calls that never came.<\/p>\n
I watched her put hope into every birthday, every holiday, every knock at the door.<\/p>\n
And eventually, I decided something.<\/p>\n
Love wasn’t worth the risk.<\/p>\n
If you never let anyone get close, nobody could leave you.<\/p>\n
So I built my life around that belief.<\/p>\n
Short relationships.<\/p>\n
No commitments.<\/p>\n
No promises.<\/p>\n
No family.<\/p>\n
No one close enough to break my heart.<\/p>\n
That night, Lily fell asleep on my couch while watching a movie.<\/p>\n
I covered her with a blanket and stood there looking at her.<\/p>\n
For the first time, my apartment didn’t feel peaceful.<\/p>\n
It felt empty.<\/p>\n
The next morning, Lily woke up early.<\/p>\n
\u201cUncle Henry?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we make pancakes?\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n
She climbed onto the kitchen stool.<\/p>\n
As I mixed the batter, she suddenly said, \u201cI think you’d be a good dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
My hand stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou listen to me even when I’m annoying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are extremely annoying.\u201d<\/p>\n
She giggled.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you still listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
Something inside me cracked.<\/p>\n
Not painfully.<\/p>\n
More like a door I’d kept locked for decades had finally opened.<\/p>\n
I realized I’d spent most of my adult life running from the possibility of losing a family.<\/p>\n
And somehow, I had forgotten that having one also meant gaining something.<\/p>\n
A reason to come home.<\/p>\n
A person waiting for you.<\/p>\n
Someone who notices when you’re gone.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, my sister came to pick Lily up.<\/p>\n
Before leaving, Lily hugged me tightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I come back next weekend?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at my sister.<\/p>\n
She smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you don’t mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at Lily.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’d like that.\u201d<\/p>\n
After they left, I stood alone in my apartment.<\/p>\n
But it didn’t feel the same anymore.<\/p>\n
I looked at the empty wall.<\/p>\n
Then at the bare corner beside the window.<\/p>\n
For the first time, I wondered what pictures might look like there.<\/p>\n
A few weeks later, I adopted a dog.<\/p>\n
His name was Buddy.<\/p>\n
And no, he wasn’t the same dog from that morning years ago.<\/p>\n
But when I brought him home, he immediately stole one of my socks and ran toward his bed.<\/p>\n
I laughed.<\/p>\n
Then my phone rang.<\/p>\n
It was Lily.<\/p>\n
\u201cUncle Henry! Are you home?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked around at my little apartment, the dog running circles around the living room, and the photograph I’d finally placed on the wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
For the first time in my life, I understood what that word really meant.<\/p>\n
Home wasn’t a place where nobody could hurt you.<\/p>\n
Home was the place you chose to return to because someone mattered enough for you to stay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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